my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
