She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
