They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
