we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
