Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
