I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
