Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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