i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize