Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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