why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
