That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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