i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I stole a fireplace last night.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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