This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
