My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
