I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
