Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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