lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize