Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
