i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
