Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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