and next time when you feel me up, do it right
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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