can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
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