The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
