i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
