Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
