Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
