There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
