Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
