I got chris browned last night
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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