Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
