So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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