DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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