I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
