i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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