Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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