apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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