I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
