apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
