I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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