If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
