I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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