Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
