Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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