He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize