My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
