Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
