its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
