Someone shit on the floor
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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