i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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