No stitches, just platelets and will power
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
