brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
