a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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