whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
