What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
