Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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