How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
