Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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