ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
