I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
