I will die if light touches me.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
This is my life. Enjoy the view
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
How naked do you want me to be?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
