Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I am full of burrito and curiosity
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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