shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
MIDGETS
????
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
