ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you win again, gameday.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
