Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize