you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
