I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
