burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
