well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
