I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
