You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My vagina is officially offended.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
