she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
