Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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