my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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