so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
