she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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