Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize